Swinging The Mood

This is your daily source of emotional prescription. If symptoms persist consult your boyfriend.

Free Speech Friday

Just because cash is tight it doesn’t mean I should set aside my dreams. I made that mistake long ago I will not make the same mistake again. Too many years have gone by and I just realized that money was never the problem; It’s where I spend it that’s been keeping the weight on me. My perception of helping, family and friends changed immensely, my disregard for my well being can easilly be abused and taken advantage of. I’ve been rolling in deep slumber not realizing it was becoming a coma.

Anyone can easily pass judgement on me but I have my reasons. Helping disabled them instead of enabling them; it became too convenient that everyone stopped trying to help themselves. Everything became clear; the words of encouragement were all lies, the perception of independence implanted which I took to heart in accomplishing was nothing but a lie.

The way my stream of thought these days are clouded; mostly with anger and frustration. The culture that binds family is the very same culture that eats away the core relationship to the bone.Running away would be best to keep my peace; but at the moment keeping distance from family is the best resolution at hand.

My family is broken in many ways and into tiny bits and pieces that gives that cold and distracted feeling inside of me. As time ticks away with age, experience and wisdom the more fear settles and makes my breathing space reak. The more I want things, the more it scares me; the more I hope to not have the same outcome when the time comes for me to raise my own family.

My foundation of independence is something I feel strongly confident about should I have a trait to pass on to an offspring. Love to me is very subjective and unconditional all at the same time. But forgiveness and faith is an area I find accessing and grasping with much difficulty as I would in mathematics; I find it irrelevant most of the time.

That is why a viable partner is highly important. To my must fortunate karma; I have found my perfect half! Although my temper, frustrations and anger gets in the way sometimes I always get a smile and loving response. He has molded me into a better individual by providing me with a stable emotional environment as well as an inner calm. But most times I feel I am too broken to be able to sustain our relationship; I fear at some point I might cause the ripples to disappear…ripples are good.

As unsure of what I really should be doing with my life; I am always definitely certain I will keep my life intertwined with my gentle warrior. Everything else is irrelevant without him; my choices are always right no matter the consequences. People may deem my beliefs perverse but it only has to make sense to me.You give clarity amidst my lovely chaos and for that I will keep you forever.