Swinging the Mood

This is your daily source of emotional prescription. If symptoms persist consult your boyfriend.

Weekends give that feeling of serenity not just because work will leave you be but especially because it is the time I get to spend time with my dearest! If you look closer you’ll find a smudge of disappointment somewhere in my window of emotions. I had it all thought out that I’d be by his this weekend but then things continuously change in it’s most annoying manner. So there I was lying in bed left alone with my thoughts. He had to go away for the weekend. Disappointing as it was for me unable to be home to him, I suppose everything has its own point to make. This time the gods agreed.

They say the very thing or trait that one attracts a person to another will be the very same thing one will hate about him eventually. Perhaps there is some truth to that. Things will just make sense somehow. My dearest is the most responsible and logical person I have ever met in my life! And that’s what I love about him. Sometimes though, I am happy and sad when he is so responsible and logical. The confusion will grow always when it comes to love and emotions. It has no right or wrong definition to it really. Everything is subjective.

The Sweetest Thing

Anyway, as I was saying, saturday came and he went to take a trip with his company friends as a team building activity and it was to be on an island. It’s summertime, hence, the beach. He warned me about the phone signal being weak and all and I said just please take good care of your self out there. My dear warrior, being his responsible and sweet self promised me he’d let me know when they get there. He always keeps his promises except the one being on time though, I find it quite hilarious really and cute. I received a message but from a different number. Hmmm, sounds like my jesse but not his number…got really worried but as I read on I understood completely. Dead spots are a bummer. Thanks to the boatman I slept without worry. Then came sunday, work day for me but my mind was somewhere else. I have been pondering on calling my gentle warrior but the thought that he might be asleep and so tired from the trip really bugged me. At around half past four in the afternoon or around four I began to really worry again. It wasn’t like him not to let me know how he was or where he was. I worry and I can’t help it, I worry even more of sounding like a mom than a girlfriend sometimes. It’s a bad mix of funny and fear really. Anyhow, I managed to extort money for a phone call and as he answered the phone I was so relieved I felt a huge hug and warm kisses were the most anxious reaction I could think of.  I found out the details of course, not good ones but not as bad as well. They were stuck somewhere in pampanga and it was late at night already. He told me right away that he’ll be sleeping at the office instead of going home. I love the way he thinks fast in taking away my worries and being very sweet about it. If I were cookies and cream I’d melt right then and there. My dearest…The sweetest most loving man in my whole wide world! 

Swinging the Mood

This is your daily source of emotional prescription. If symptoms persist consult your boyfriend.

It must have been the wind or the rain or lack thereof that changed my entire day. Emotions are gold and silver, one minute it’s my treasure the next minute it’s my curse or bad juju violently marking my downfall from the high steps of my emotional or emotionless palace. It depends on the mood really. You can call me the sneaker girl. How do you feel today?

Sad Saturday

I was pretty sure my day started out just right. I woke up at fifteen to six this morning and even if the cold shiver was my early company I can picture the sun rays welcoming me in their warm and tender ways. Even ate breakfast, today’s special-last night’s leftover chicken. Getting ready for work is just routine, boring and can even be defined as broken perhaps. It’s one of those things that you do because you have to even when it’s not at all close to what you want, especially on a weekend. Who want’s to get up early on a saturday anyway? So, I got my stuff ready, I was full, I was packed and good to go only I had to wait for the carpool first. I went back in the bedroom, my aunt and the sleeping child were meandering peacefully into deep slumber. Buzz, buzz it went, luckily, my phone was on vibrate mode. It would have been a tragedy leaving the house with a baby crying his heart out.

 As I stepped out of the building my sun rays were nowhere to be found. The cold breeze managed to make that tingling feeling that ran quietly in my spine. It’s like one of those scenes in kill flicks when a psychopath is about to reveal himself or herself from the shadows to make his striking and bloody statement. Then again, I’m not in a kill flick. So, I got in the car with the gang and drove off. It was an ok same old shit different day kind of ride. Then it became just a little bit interesting. See, we were driving in the same fast pace as we are always rushing to beat the clock but the difference today was the fog. Thick, fire smoke like fog was the street king for the day. We had a good wheel man though, with a small swerve here and a fast turn there made it dangerously fun until we reached the often dreaded “workplace.” If you ask me, it’s an understatement. Slave den would have a better ring to it. If my boss reads this I’m dead meat! A happy dead meat thank you very much. Sorry boss, retractions have absolutely no room in this part of town. 

Inside “the workplace” time was running like a snail in a shell. Man, I’ve never felt time drag so much until today. I felt like the earth’s rotation shifted and got caught in a time warp where everything stood almost still although it was moving, it was like watching instant replay in a football game. Now, I’m not an angry person, I mean I have high tolerance to whatever needs to be tolerated but this was just too much. Light bulb flashing! I suddenly had an idea, I thought to myself that if I try to work faster and look busier atleast, maybe, just maybe time might fly by much faster than with it’s 3 minute delays. To my surprise, it didn’t really work, not much, a little bit maybe. Good thing I had something else to keep my mind busy with–the boy with the broken shot glass. He gives me that high just thinking of him. My heart beats slowly and time seems to stand still and I just want to keep it that way so I’d be able to stare at his gentle face and keep it inside my precious memory. He’s the only thought I love rewinding over and over my head and I wouldn’t get tired of thinking of him.

What sorcerer’s spell have you over me brave knight? You know, he gets me through everything and today I’m in my own happy place. Today I get to hear his voice, a piece of happiness unfairly snatched away from me and this boy since this whole half the world away scene we accidentally got ourselves into with a little help from an unnecessary and unfavorable twist of fate. The clock struck 3 and the boss was about to leave the workplace. The gods favor me as the greeks put it. I wasted no time at all and asked nicely if we could all go since we’re done for the day and he agreed. Fishy but I’ll take it. Everyone scrambled liked a rotten egg in gas panic as I gave them the go signal behind the boss’s back.

Making my way down the stairs I couldn’t help but put a huge smile on my face like I did on christmas morning watching him sleep. Undeniable and unending happiness and I could have it again with just a phone call away. I mean it doesn’t really let me drown in beautiful alcoholic happiness in that exact same moment I have when I’m so close give him spur of the moment hugs and kisses or whisper and say out loud my love and honest comments. Anything under the sun is how it is with my boy with the broken shot glass. I couldn’t ask for more.

But wait, what the hell?! Getting to the vehicle, I then found out there’s not enough space. There’s just one too many of us and on top of that we had vehicle shortage. Of all days, when shit happens it really just gets the best of me. But I kept my cool hailed a cab instead and made my way back to what I call E.R., the place somewhat resembles a hospital made by the bed arrangements as people are stuffed to share what commonly should only be a one to two persons pad. moving forward, so, I got back, rushed to the room, even skipped as I dropped my backpack grabbed my phone, put on my ear piece and dialed the number. As it rang my heart raced and I couldn’t stop smiling to myself then it stopped. Cancelled. My call was refused. I didn’t get it. I tried again and he answered, his voiced sounded coarse, he had just woken up. I felt bad, then I thought of checking my other phone while we were speaking. I then found out that he had changed the schedule. Man, how I wished I had seen it coming. There you have it, sad saturday reaching for the boy with the broken shot glass. But hey, this local sneaker girl doesn’t just give in to today’s mood swing. Like I always say,when you feel like you’re about to get down with that contagious mood swing. There’s only one thing left to do, swing away that mood and it’ll make all the difference. So, I came up with this idea that looks great from inside my light bulb. Hush…It’s going to be a surprise!

The world outside

Nomadic Mind and Spirit 

At one point I felt like I was an orphan in this quest for greener pastures. Roaming the world here and there as if I had no roots, no family to give me the proper guidance. I was lost and had very little if not no clue at all to what exactly this journey had in store for me. I then became a nomad. A restless being accompanied only by fear and confusion. The new world. A mix of races, a place full of many different things. Good and bad was what it was. Yet another challenge presented itself. I could only begin to count these things and the list would go on and on and on. Nothing was what it seemed. The world I’ve known, from my own comfort zone to the world far and away. Questions plagued my young and vulnerable mind until I started asking myself what was I really here for? Why have I led myself to this path bringing me away from my gentle warrior, my family, friends, from the land of my birth. I took me a while to recover and start being sensible again. I woke up, went to work, ate, slept and do it all over again until the minutes turned to hours and hours into days and days into months and the vicious cycle went on eating away my time, my life. Everything seemed to lose its meaning being away and on the far side of the world.

Keeping My Sanity

No matter how hard I kept myself busy at work and spend my hours watching movies still the questions plagued me. I’d wake up in the middle of the night  in sweat, restless. This isolation was just too much. Paranoia would set in, insecurities, and anger. I was a mess. I was angry at the situation, angry at the world but mostly angry at myself. I should have done better, I should have stayed and worked harder. It’s never enough. I struggle day in and day out to keep my sanity so to speak. I had to make sense of it all and stay grounded, stay strong, no, stronger. I have to push and keep pushing and not give up no matter what. Some things are just easier said than done I suppose.

 In Love and War

They say that leaving a loved one even just for a little while would make a lot of scars. A thought that scares me more than anything. Emotional scars are the worst kind. I never was a fan of hear-says and gossips but these damn bees keep buzzing and it’s driving me crazy.  But I stand my ground and believe in what I have and that it will never fade, not even time nor memories can erase. I would always give my full trust in you, without doubt, without questions. Although, in the process, I have become a territorial creature, marking what’s mine and be so protective of the one I love. Miles may separate us and a war may be waging from across our worlds as there are people who may be part of blurring our fate together. But I believe in our love, our dreams and our fate.  Being logical and responsible as you are, do not try to make sense out of my fairy tale state of mind. It’s part of what keeps me sane. Let it be this way, let me sink in my emotional freedom, let me live inside my dreams for it’s the only food right for my lost and starving soul.

Searching my Soul

For the longest time I have searched for who I truly am and what part I’m suppose to play in this game of life. And in my years of toil and trouble I found out that there is no right or wrong answer. It is what you make of it. You will always be the one, the only one to lead and make life as tolerable and interesting as can be. Surviving the norms and eccentricities, the roller coaster rides, the melodramas, the critiques, gossips, the truth and lies that come with it will bring you the ultimate high and fulfillment. I will still wonder now and again, but will always find my chi. At some point you may think it’s senseless, but I must say that sometimes the crazy things in life are what makes us sane for the most part at least.

The World Outside

It is a cesspool of germs, corrupt and troubled ideas, people, places and adventure even tragedy.It is the ultimate mixture of the good, the bad and the ugly truth and lies. It will serve as an eye opener to give you a more clearer vision of the world outside your comfort  zone. Will you go with the flow and sink into conformity or will you stand up on your own and keep what you believe in? I will always stand on my own beliefs and ideas, especially about love. The more I get exposed, the more I learn and the more I come to have a stronger hold to my beliefs and my emotions. Although confusion and nothingness has touched my life more than once, clarity has given me the light and strength to move forward and become a better person, friend and loved one. The world outside is worth looking into but never let the worst or best of it get you. Reality bites and will bite hard. You must always be ready to bite back.